


single dads club

by nsofties



Series: (not so) single dads club [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Family Feels, Fatherhood, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, M/M, Mentioned Huang Ren Jun, Mentioned Wong Kun Hang | Hendery, Mentioned Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Mentioned Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, Single Parents, Slice of Life, Strangers to Lovers, i just wanted a single dads yuil and this is what i came up with, i wrote half of this in one day, ten swears a lot but it's really. Just Him flskdj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 15:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19231552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsofties/pseuds/nsofties
Summary: Turning towards Taeil, Yuta extends his hand. “Single dads unite, I guess.”“Yeah. Single dads unite.”Taeil hopes they get along. It won’t be a loss if they don’t. But, it’d be nice if they do.





	single dads club

**Author's Note:**

> i told myself to finish this by taeil's birthday but i failed at that goal.  
> so, here it is.  
> i had a previous draft of 10k words that i just. deleted because i was unhappy with it.  
> please accept this in its stead.  
> also, i tried so hard to align the ages/grades appropriately with the american schooling system, but i was probably off and kind of just started being vague with it, so i apologize for that.  
>  **also, hey. i don't know why anyone would want to, but don't repost this anywhere. if you want to translate, please contact me on twitter so we can discuss it. thanks!**

**little.**

 

"We weren't ready," she says quietly. "We aren't ready..."

Taeil looks up at his sister with wide eyes, pausing from cooing at Mark. Donghyuck wriggles in their mother's arms. The air is thick and, for a moment, he thinks that he can’t breathe. His older sister’s face is scrunched up and she looks conflicted. Her mouth opens and closes several times as if she can’t make a sound.

They’re already a bit old - recognition of their mother’s face lighting up their eyes as they’re passed around. Taeil keeps Mark close to him, though the child doesn’t fuss - instead he lets himself be shifted occasionally without a complaint, simply observing the world around him with wide eyes. Donghyuck does much the same, but voices his distaste as he’s moved around. Taeil smiles before reality hits.

"So... we're putting them up for adoption."

Taeil can’t hear what his parents are saying as he stares at his sister quietly. Movement in his arms prompts him to look down at Mark who stares up at him with wide eyes. The child reaches out towards Taeil, small hands clenching repeatedly as he struggles to sit up and reach Taeil. His chest constricts.

"I'll take them," rushes out Taeil.

"Taeil, you just started your new job -"

"I'll be good to them. I promise. I'll take them."

“Taeil, think about this carefully.”

“I have. I’ll take care of them.” Adjusting his hold on Mark, he moves out his free hand so the child can grab onto his fingers. The effect is almost instantaneous, Mark falling into a comfortable slumber. “I’ll take care of them.”

The process isn’t short, but it isn’t long. It gives him time - to find a bigger apartment, take out some loans, ask for some time off, and find a daycare. Taeil doesn’t feel settled, however, until they’re tucked away in their cribs in the second bedroom and the apartment is quiet. The silence doesn’t last long, but a smile spreads across his face anyways.

They’ll make it work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ll take him,” says Yuta gently, holding the baby in his arms. He looks so small and part of Yuta can’t believe that _he_ was this small before, too. “I know you’re busy.” He interrupts before she can say anything, peering at him warily. “You can still visit him. But… I can do this.”

He sounds like he’s convincing himself more than he’s convincing her, but she concedes after hours of conversation, leaning backwards. They decide that they’ll try to make it work, too. For him. And it doesn’t - but they tried, and it’s not like they parted on terrible terms, either.

Jaemin is, for the most part, a quiet child. He doesn’t cry a lot - instead, he chooses to stare up at Yuta with big eyes. When he does that, Yuta thinks to himself that babies understand a lot more than people give them credit for. It feels like Jaemin knows his deepest, darkest secrets. It’s terrifying, really.

Yuta loves him. Loves his son deeply - and it’s terrifying. He never really thought about a parent’s love for their child - always understood it ran deep from the way his parents tolerated his antics growing up, but never really gave it a thought. Not until Jaemin peered up at him with large eyes and a toothless smile and Yuta felt his heart constrict in his chest.

His best friend, Sicheng, stops by one day, watching as Yuta rolls around on the floor with Jaemin. It’s quiet other than the occasional babbling from the baby and soft laughter from Yuta. They don’t have much to catch up on anyways.

“Actually, you know. Johnny’s friend - Taeil? Have you met him?”

Yuta rolls onto his back and looks up at Sicheng, shaking his head no. “Can’t say I have.”

“He just adopted his two nephews. We’ll have to introduce you so your kids can socialize.”

“Are they enrolled at Johnny’s daycare?”

“They are.”

“It’s inevitable then, I guess! Also, when will I get to give this Johnny guy the best friend seal of approval?”

“When I have your word that you won’t try to choke-hold him on first contact.”

“You have my word.”

“That sounds fake.”

Yuta laughs, throwing his head back. “Yeah, maybe it’s a little fake. But, just a little!”

 

* * *

 

 

**the not really terrible twos - and then some.**

 

Mark and Donghyuck are seven and six, respectively, when they start first grade. They wait for the bus at the end of the driveway, their matching Power Ranger backpacks like shining beacons as Taeil watches them from his porch. He’s twenty-eight and a single father of two kids who still doesn’t know what to do with his little bit of free time between seeing his sons off to school and leaving for work.

The coffee in his hands is cold when he finally takes a sip, making sure Mark and Donghyuck are both on the bus and off to their elementary school a few minutes away. He already looks forward to picking them up from their afterschool program in the afternoon. It’s convenient but a bit of a nightmare - one day, he pulled up to the building to see Donghyuck missing a chunk of his hair and Mark with a developing bruise on his face.

Nothing prepares you for parenthood, Taeil realizes. No one tells you how to both reprimand your children but tell them that morally they did the right thing. No one tells you how to be gentle but firm with your kids. Taeil’s parents convince him that every child is different - that what gets through to Donghyuck may not get through to Mark, and vice versa. And Taeil _knows_ that - his sons are a bit like night and day, but in a way that is frightening complementary. He dreads high school.

He dejectedly throws his coffee in the microwave for a minute that feels much too long before pouring it into a travel mug. Caffeine does nothing but exaggerate his nervousness in the morning, so he doesn’t drink it until the kids are on the bus. It doesn’t stop him from making it before that, though.

Before Taeil leaves, he glances at the drawing on the wall - lines and loops in permanent marker, two scribbles mildly reminiscent of signatures several inches below on the molding bordering the floor. He doesn’t have the heart to clean it off - not yet, anyway. Sure, Taeil had been upset with them _at first_ , but he’s too soft. Their big eyes had looked so genuinely apologetic that he had sighed and let them go back to watching television.

Sitting in his car, hands on the wheel, Taeil sighs. It’s a heavy sigh, one filled with so many things that Taeil subconsciously cringes at the idea of unpacking it all. Instead, as he starts the car and pulls out of his driveway, he reminds himself that today is Friday and that means the babysitter is coming and he’ll finally get the chance to catch up with Johnny. It’s the only thing that’s really keeping him going today as he drives the familiar route to the office.

It’s a short drive, not much to it. Familiar cars drive by and it feels… nice. He blinks and he’s at his desk, assignments waiting in his inbox. A familiar face pops into his view as his door opens and closes. Jaehyun smiles sheepishly, though places the box down on his desk gently.

“The beginning of the school year can be hard. Doyoung and I put this together for you - some hand-me-downs from Jungwoo and Jeno. Jeno’s growing too fast for us to keep up.”

“Shit. Thanks, Jae. I really appreciate it. I don’t know how to repay you for this.”

“You don’t have to. Maybe watch the kids for us one night? But that’s it, really. It’s hard raising kids. I get it. When I told Doyoung that you’re raising Mark and Donghyuck on your own, he was amazed. I am still, too, to be honest.”

Taeil laughs, placing the box on the ground and tucking it neatly under his desk. He writes _BOX OF CLOTHES FOR MARK AND HYUCK UNDER DESK. DO NOT FORGET!_ on a memo pad as he speaks. “It’s not easy, but I’d do anything for them. I know you get what I mean.”

“Your kids are your world. I totally get it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t know, Sicheng,” murmurs Yuta into the phone. There’s a waver in his voice as he sits at his desk, glancing over to Jaemin, now two, who sleeps peacefully on the ground. Soft snores occasionally drift over and he can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. “I… I haven’t gone out since Jaemin came home…”

“I _know_ and that’s _why_ you need to come out! Please! Taeil gave me the numbers of several babysitters that he trusts his sons with.”

He shifts his hold, pressing the phone to his ear as he goes back to working remotely. It’s the only good thing about his job, really, getting to work remotely. A particularly loud snore catches his attention and he laughs, watching as Jaemin raises his head, blinking at his father before slipping back to sleep. “He just got over a cold. I don’t know…”

“Let me send you the numbers, and you can think about it. It’s only eight in the morning.”

Standing, Yuta pauses from working to gently nudge Jaemin to a more comfortable sleeping position, placing a small elephant-shaped pillow under his head. “Okay. Send me the numbers. I’ll give them a thought. But this Taeil guy…”

“You can trust his opinion. He carefully vets every babysitter he hires. His sons are his world. Just like Jaemin is yours. I’ll email you them before I leave my apartment. You have time to think about it. We’re meeting on Friday, and you’ll get to meet Taeil, too.”

“... Alright. I’ll call you later, then. Let you know.”

“I hope you come!”

Minutes after he hangs up, his laptop pings, alerting him to an email. When he opens it, he sees that Sicheng sent nothing but the information of the babysitters, a smiley face in the subject line. Yuta spends the day alternating between work and speaking with the babysitters, asking them a plethora of questions out of a mix of nervousness and determination.

It’s weird, when he thinks about it, that he hasn’t been out for anything other than work since Jaemin came home. He doesn’t regret a day, though, his small son being more than enough for Yuta to be happy. And, it’s not that he doesn’t see the people he cares about, either. Sicheng stops by often enough, and he’s even met Johnny. Even his coworker, Taeyong, had stopped by bearing gifts or food occasionally and help around the house. Yuta realizes that maybe he should categorize him as friends now.

Maybe they’d like to go out for drinks on Friday, too.

When Yuta props Jaemin up for dinner, the television plays in the background, travelling easily through the small apartment. He hopes that in the near future they won’t be confined to this small place they call home. Jaemin deserves better. He hopes to have a big yard where he can run around, plenty of space to call his own.

One day, he thinks, going back to work once Jaemin is tucked into bed. One day. It’s what his son deserves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“It’s _exhausting_ ,” says Taeil as he leans back in the booth. Johnny spares him a sympathetic glance, instead throwing his arm around Sicheng’s shoulders as he takes a long draw of his beer. “Exhausting, but rewarding.”

“Oh?” asks Sicheng with a laugh. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, Mark had to make a two-page newspaper on things he saw around the neighborhood. He wrote about Mr. Lee and his garden down the street and about Mrs. Jung and her fucking menace of a dog.” Taeil sighs as he thinks of the miniature poodle that lives down the road and only seems to have a liking for its owner and Mark.”

“What about Donghyuck?”

“That was Hyuck’s assignment last week. This week was show-and-tell. He had to bring something in.”

“And?” prods Johnny.

“Well,” says Taeil, feeling a headache build as he thinks about how his discussion with his son went. “Donghyuck wanted to bring the seamonkeys that you fools bought him, but the rule is _no live things_ for show-and-tell, so I had to spend an entire evening convincing him to bring the Hess truck set that my parents bought him for his birthday.”

“Isn’t that like… a Christmas thing?” asks Johnny, scrunching his nose.

“Yeah. They found something better for Christmas, though, so they held off until his birthday to give him the trucks. Hyuck didn’t care.” Taeil stares at his glass of Cola. He had sworn off alcohol the day he brought the boys home and, a man of his word, hasn’t touched an ounce of alcohol since. Sometimes he regrets it. Only sometimes, though.

When he looks up from his glass, Sicheng is typing furiously on his phone before holding it up to his ear. Johnny sighs as he removes his arm from his boyfriend’s shoulders. Sicheng takes that as a sign that he’s able to walk away, standing just outside the door on the phone.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Did Sicheng tell you about his friend, Yuta?”

“He has a kid, right?”

“Single father, just like yourself. He hasn’t had a night to himself in forever and Sicheng and I really tried our hardest to get him to come out tonight. Yuta said he was on his way, but he’s still not here, so ‘Cheng’s freaking out a little bit.”

Taeil doesn’t get a word in as a body is pushed into the booth beside him and Sicheng slides back next to Johnny’s side. He can feel the tension and purses his lips as he waits for Sicheng’s shoulders to drop. Eventually they do as he heaves a sigh.

“Yuta, this is Taeil. Taeil, this is Yuta. Single fathers club, rejoice.” His hands wave in the air in some half-hearted attempt at a gesture of joy that Taeil belatedly laughs at.

Turning towards Taeil, Yuta extends his hand. “Single dads unite, I guess.”

“Yeah. Single dads unite.”

Taeil hopes they get along. It won’t be a loss if they don’t. But, it’d be nice if they do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Your lemon squares are horrible,” deadpans Taeil, placing the bitten sweet back on the plate. “What did you do? Dump in a pound and a half of sugar?”

“Not quite, but I guess I did end up putting a lot more than the recipe said to… Jaemin kept frowning until this batch,” says Yuta, placing the platter higher up as said toddler waddles into the kitchen. The toddler’s small hands make grabbing motions towards his father prompting Yuta to bend down and pick him up.

Taeil smiles softly at the image before nodding. “He does have quite the sweet tooth, doesn’t he?”

Before Yuta can reply, Mark and Donghyuck come barreling into the apartment’s small kitchen, shouting at the tops of their lungs. A stern glance from Taeil sets them in their place as they clamber to explain to Taeil before the other can. Pushing his chair back, he crosses his arms, waiting for them to fall into silence.

“Yes?”

“Can we go to the park down the street?”

“Boys…” Taeil tries to suppress his frown as he looks at his sons. Jaemin waddles into his periphery the same time that Yuta crouches down between Mark and Donghyuck. Yuta ruffles their hair and Taeil smiles, already knowing he’s about to accept whatever offer he’s about to make.

“Hey. If you’re exhausted, you can stay here and watch Jaemin while I take them to the park.”

“... You wouldn’t mind?”

“Please. You watch Jaemin on days that I know you wanted to spend relaxing. I can handle an afternoon in the park with these two rascals.” Mark and Donghyuck’s high-pitched laughter fills the kitchen as Yuta tickles them, wrapping his arms around them. “I love these tykes. I can do this.”

“Please, dad!” says Donghyuck, pouting. “ _Please_ let us go to the park with Mr. Nakamoto!”

“I promise we’ll behave!” Mark chimes in, eyes wide.

“You _pinky-promise_ that you’ll behave?” asks Taeil, pretending to frown. It’s hard not to let a smile slip onto his face as their eyes widen. In their house, a pinky-promise is the highest of promises - the last time Mark had accidentally broken one, he had cried to Taeil for five hours straight until he tired himself out and fell asleep.

“We pinky-promise!” they shout together. They hold their small pinkies out to Taeil, who links his to theirs.

“Okay. You two can go.”

The two boys cheer wildly, Jaemin joining in on the fun despite not fully understanding the situation at hand. Yuta cheers along with them, letting Taeil’s sons drag him to the ground in hugs as they thank him profusely. The kitchen is small, but Taeil thinks it just feels cozy. He watches as Yuta helps Mark tug on his jacket, watching with a father’s fondness as Donghyuck tries to put his on by himself. Eventually he does step in to help the boy who looks close to tears from frustration.

Jaemin is tucked under his chin as they wave goodbye to Yuta, Mark, and Donghyuck, the former of whom ushers out the boys in orderly fashion. Not long after, Taeil has the television on, turned to a rerun on Sesame Street. It’s an episode that he recognizes from when Mark and Donghyuck were still entertained by the fuzzy puppets.

Taeil thinks to himself that those were easier times - at least, entertaining his children was easier. Difficulties now come in trying to convince Donghyuck that wearing his favorite pair of shorts in the dead of winter is _not_ a good idea because he’ll get _sick_ and telling Mark that Uncle Sicheng’s pink hair is a decision he can make for himself because he’s an adult, but Mark can _not_ dye his hair that color until he’s older. In his lap, Jaemin wriggles, bringing his mind back to the present.

“I bet _you_ don’t give your dad a hard time,” mumbles Taeil into Jaemin’s hair. The toddler giggles in response. “Yeah, I thought so.”

 

* * *

 

 

**“c” is for cookie.**

 

“I’ve had this song on repeat for the past twenty-four hours. Jaemin really gets a kick out of it,” mutters Yuta. The song, “‘C’ is for Cookie,” plays on repeat from Yuta’s phone. “Even the really nice woman who runs the preschool I have him enrolled at asked me if this was normal.”

Taeil can’t help but laugh at Yuta’s misery. He’s been there, done that. Mark had his weird affixture with Brother Bear’s soundtrack, and Donghyuck had - and still has, really - a love for Michael Jackson’s songs. Taeil has dealt with hearing the same song on repeat for hours at a time. It’s something you learn to deal with as a parent. You learn to love your kid’s favorite music.

“Don’t laugh! She really thinks I’m brainwashing him or something! All he does is go around singing it.”

“I doubt she thinks that about you, Yuta. I’m sure it’s fine.”

In response, Yuta groans, leaning back in his chair. “I even hear it when I’m asleep, in my dreams.”

“You know, I think I do the dance for ‘Thriller’ in my sleep. Donghyuck - he’s really not afraid of anything. The music video _terrified_ Mark - and I’m still pretty pissed that Johnny showed it to them when he watched them - but Donghyuck absolutely _loves it_.”

“Of _course_ it was Johnny.”

“He has a weak spot for my kids. Whatever they want, they get. Even if he knows I’ll have his head for it.” Taeil sighs, pausing as the sound of the front door opening grabs his attention.

“Dad! We’re home! Is Mr. Nakamoto here? Oh, hey Jaemin!”

“Hyuck!

“Hey, Jaem.”

“Mark!”

“Boys, come say hi to Mr. Nakamoto.” On cue, two small heads pop into view, large grins on their faces. “Do you want your afterschool snacks?”

“Hi, Mr. Nakamoto! Also, yes, please, dad.”

“Mr. Nakamoto! Hi!” shouts Donghyuck, jumping around. “Can I have a Lunchables, dad? _Please_?”

“Sure, sure. Go sit with Jaemin in the living room and I’ll be right in.”

“Can I pick which one?”

“No. Go into the living room.”

“What! Why not?”

“We only have the turkey and cheddar ones left.”

“But the desserts are different!”

“Well, you and Mark can trade if you want when I bring them in. Okay?”

“... Okay.”

“We’re going food shopping this weekend, remember? You and Mark can each pick out one thing, as long as -”

“As long as we’re on our best behavior! Right! Okay! Thanks, dad!”

Yuta watches the exchange in amazement, blinking as Taeil returns from handing the boys their Lunchables. It’s not like he knows many other fathers and Taeil is always one step ahead of him, Mark and Donghyuck several years older than his son. He seems put together - with-it. Taeil makes everything look effortless. Yuta knows that isn’t necessarily true - Taeil works hard for his sons, knows well the sacrifices he makes.

Jaemin has just turned three and Yuta realizes there’s still a lot he needs to learn. Mostly from Taeil, even though the latter always sighs and reminds him that their sons are different - that he needs to figure out what works for him.

Sure, Yuta thinks. He’s figuring Jaemin out as he grows. It helps to have Taeil around, though. He’s good with kids - Yuta figures that it’s just a natural trait from the way he listens to them so intently. Taeil listens to children the way they want to be listened to - as equals.

“Amazing,” says Yuta with a shake of his head.

“What?”

“They really listen to you.”

“Well, I hope they would,” says Taeil. “That said, they’re always on their best behavior when we have guests. You should stop by more often.”

“Yeah. I should.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taeil shuffles around his kitchen as Yuta carries Jaemin around on his back. The smell of fresh-baked cookies fills the space as Jaemin babbles about his day. Yuta hums in response and asks questions, interjecting as Jaemin falls into silence. It feels homey, in some bizarre way, to Taeil as he hums along to a song. He laughs to himself when he realizes it’s “‘C’ is for Cookie” from Sesame Street.

“What’s funny, Mr. Moon?” asks Yuta.

“Yeah! What’s funny!” parrots Jaemin.

“Nothing, nothing. Do you want a cookie? They’re cooled down enough.”

“Yeah! Cookie!”

Jaemin bounces in Yuta’s arms and he struggles to keep him secure as he walks over to Taeil who hands him half of a cookie. The boy chews on it happily as Taeil smiles before returning to the batch of batter that waits for him. There’s still an hour until his boys come home, but the house doesn’t feel empty like he always imagined it would be when they got older.

Instead, the house feels lively - people coming and going as the days pass by. Taeil loves it. Part of him was always afraid of feeling some degree of loneliness on days off when the kids were in school. He doesn’t fear it anymore. Not when he has Johnny and Sicheng, Yuta, and Doyoung and Jaehyun.

Especially Yuta.

It’s not that Johnny, Sicheng, Doyoung, and Jaehyun don’t help stave away the loneliness. It’s better to say that Taeil finds common ground with Yuta. Being a single father is hard - Yuta understands that struggle better than anyone else. Taeil revels in having someone who understands him. Who can look him in the eye and feel his exhaustion.

Yuta fills a space that Taeil never really thought he needed filled. If anything, Taeil was sure that he could figure things out on his own. That he could do it all on his own. And part of him realizes that with sacrifice, he could. He can. It doesn’t mean that having some help hurts. If anything it puts his mind at ease.

Rolling the cookie dough into balls, he places them on the baking sheet, pressing them down gently after making sure there’s enough space between each.Taeil treats life and baking cookies the same way. Particularly, with careful motions and deep thought. He craves control - thrives with it. His mother always told him that it’s okay to be reckless - and it’s not that he doesn’t know how to be.

Adopting Mark and Donghyuck was quite possibly the best, yet absolutely reckless, decision that Taeil could’ve made. Not one part of him regrets it. Taeil likes control, though. Which is why it’s so interesting to him that Yuta has fit into his world so neatly - tucked into his own space - a galaxy within his ever-expanding universe of personal connections.

Yuta is a star at the center, brighter than any other one Taeil’s ever seen. He lives life to some degree of recklessness - not planned, but not completely without direction. Taeil wonders how to be more like him.

“Jaemin thinks they could use more chocolate.” Yuta’s voice breaks through Taeil’s thoughts as he turns towards Yuta and his son, who stare at him expectantly.

“It has just enough.”

“Taeil. You _know_ Jaemin’s sweet tooth.”

“He’s going to have so many cavities when he’s older if you keep indulging him!”

“How can you say no to this face?”

“No.”

“Taeil!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Did you know they have the kids learning to use computers in preschool now? Jaemin’s three! He doesn’t need to know how to use a computer yet!”

Taeil offers a non-committal hum in response as he packs snacks for his sons’ tee-ball game. “Right.”

“Are you even listening?”

Taeil fixes the phone between his ear and shoulder and sighs. “Honestly? No. I need to put together these snacks. Something about computers?”

“Jaemin is learning to use a computer in _preschool_ , Taeil! Preschool!”

“Better now than later. He shouldn’t be technologically illiterate when he gets to elementary school.”

“I mean, I _guess_ -”

Pulling the phone away from his mouth, Taeil scurries to the stairs to yell up to his kids. “Mark! Donghyuck! Put on your uniforms! We need to get going soon!” He’s replied to with a chorus of _Yes Dad_ ’s that don’t necessarily put his frayed nerves to ease, but at least plant the idea in his sons’ heads. “Sorry about that, Yuta. Can I call you back later?”

“Oh. Yeah, sure. Sorry.”

“No! Sorry for saying I had time to talk. I didn’t even look at the time.”

“Nah, I totally understand. That’ll be me next year when Jaemin starts soccer.”

“Good luck with that,” replies Taeil with a laugh.

“ _Dad! Where are my socks!_ ”

“And that’s Donghyuck. I should get going. Talk to you later!”

“Yeah! See you!”

“See you.”

Yuta and Taeil, a city apart, stare at their phones in equally pensieve silence before the chaos of life reclaims them.

 

* * *

 

 

**kindergarten is a little bit rotten.**

 

Jaemin is five and in kindergarten and Yuta realizes quickly that he was blessed with an angel of a child. He tries - he really does - to pretend that he _isn’t_ horrified by the children running rampant in the classroom as he drops Jaemin off. He really, truly tries. But the idea of leaving his child in a small, confined room with twenty other kids who don’t seem to know how to _relax_ terrifies him.

“If you’re nervous, he’ll be nervous, you know,” chimes in another parent.

“Sorry, he’s my only kid, so…”

“I get it. Yangyang’s not the oldest, so I guess we’ve gone through this all before.” The man in question sticks out his hand and Yuta hesitantly shakes it. “Kun. That’s my son over there - Yangyang. And that’s his friend, Eric.”

The two boys in question seem to sense that they’re being spoken about as they turn their heads towards Yuta and Kun. Jaemin peers at them curiously from behind Yuta’s leg, taking Yangyang’s hand as he runs over to tug him further into the classroom. He looks up curiously at Yuta, almost as if asking permission. With a grin, Yuta pats his head and watches as he takes off.

He can’t help the tight feeling in his chest as he watches his son settle into a chair, listening to Yangyang and Eric animatedly talk about, well, something. A hand on his shoulder startles him and he looks at Kun, who laughs easily.

“They’ll be fine. Kids are fascinating, to be honest. Incredibly resilient. Much better at figuring things out on their own than we give them credit for.”

And Kun, in the end, joins their little single fathers club, though he is not single and it becomes more of a _Parents United To Talk About The Mess That Is Kindergarten (ft. Johnny and Sicheng_ ). Occasionally, his partner, Ten, will show up, if for nothing other than to ask Yuta to join the PTA and leave defeated when he declines.

“Don’t join the PTA,” deadpans Doyoung. He and his husband, Jaehyun, nod in unison. Yuta once thought it was a bit odd, but was quick to realize that doing things in unison doesn’t necessarily entail similar parenting strategies. He still pales a little when he thinks of Doyoung’s absolutely terrifying smile when Jaehyun and their sons ganged up on him in an attempt to bring a dog home.

“It’s a big time commitment,” agrees Taeil. “Remember when I had to help organize the end-of-the-year party for Mark and Hyuck’s class?”

“It was a lovely party, though. Jeno really loved it.”

“Jungwoo’s was _terrible_ the year that I planned it,” laments Jaehyun, leaning back. “I still feel bad about that.”

“It wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“Oh, it was _bad_.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” chimes in Jungwoo as he walks into the kitchen. “I really enjoyed it. It’s not your fault that I had shi -”

“ _Language_ ,” warns Doyoung, eyes narrowed.

“Uh. Annoying classmates.”

“Do you need something?” asks Taeil, standing from his chair. “We have more drinks in the garage if you don’t like what’s in the fridge.”

“I’m okay with water, Mr. Moon. Thanks, though.”

Doyoung’s shoulders fall and Jaehyun suppresses a laugh once Jungwoo is out the kitchen. Dealing with profanity is a common discussion between the fathers - and not-yet-but-one-day-fathers. Johnny and Ten who, to the surprise of absolutely no one, immediately became close friends, both have rather relaxed views on it. Ten argues that their kids will learn how to swear one day, so there’s no point in policing it _that_ harshly.

Kun, Taeil, and Doyoung fall on the opposite end of the spectrum, vehemently against the idea of letting their children swear at a young age. “When they’re out of the house,” Doyoung argues. “Then they can swear.”

Somewhere in-between is where Yuta and Jaehyun sit - more than prepared to reprimand their children if they _do_ swear, though not ready to crack the whip at the first sign of rebellion, as Doyoung calls it.

“You’re gonna give yourself gray hairs,” says Sicheng with a snort.

“This is the _singular_ thing that Doyoung’s a hardass about, though,” laments Jaehyun. “Everything else it’s sent to me.”

Yuta hums, deep in thought, before he nods. “That’s true. You guys _did_ end up adopting the dog, huh.”

“You try saying no to all of them.”

“I’m okay. It’s hard enough to say no to Jaemin.”

“Meanwhile Taeil here says no without blinking an eye.” Johnny jabs a thumb in the direction of Taeil who none-too-kindly grabs it and pulls it away from his face.

“It’s called knowing _when_ to say no.”

“It’s also called raising two boys on your own. That’s tough. I can’t even imagine,” interjects Jaehyun. “And two boys the _same age_. God. At least Jungwoo can help out around the house.”

“Not that it’s easy to get his help.”

“Same with Hendery and Yangyang. If anything, Hendery makes things _more_ chaotic.”

“Yeah and -”

“By the way, we’re engaged,” blurts out Johnny. There’s the loud sound of Sicheng slapping his forehead as Taeil chokes on his drink.

“ _Since when?!_ ” says Yuta, holding a hand to his chest. “Sicheng!”

“This morning,” mutters Sicheng, breathing deeply through his nose. “I wanted to tell you as soon as it happened, but Johnny wanted to tell everyone tonight _himself_. I bet you he forgot about it until just now.”

“... _Maybe_ -”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! Your best friend!” Taeil grabs him by the shoulder and shakes. “You fiend!”

“How Shakespearean of you,” jokes Jaehyun. “But, congrats! Does that mean you two will join the fathers club soon?”

“Oh, Jesus, don’t get Johnny started -”

“I want like. Five kids.”

“Jesus Christ, Johnny. _Five_?” asks Kun in disbelief. “You can barely take care of yourself.”

“Yes I can!”

“... Okay, you know, I’m going to ignore the fact that you didn’t really listen to me and remind you instead of the time you wore your shirt inside out and _backwards_ and didn’t notice.”

“In my defense, Sicheng didn’t say anything that morning.”

“I thought he _knew_.”

“This is _Johnny_ we’re talking about.”

“I know. I can’t believe I’m marrying this idiot.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taeil is breathless, doubled over as Yuta opens the door. His sons sprint towards him, bringing him to the ground in hugs. They land on the old carpet of the apartment hallway before they’re dragging him inside, shouting over one another to tell him about their day. Jaemin peers over the back of the couch, waving and offering a small, “Hi, Mr. Moon.” Taeil doesn’t miss a beat, saying hello back while placating his sons.

Eventually they all calm down and he sits ragged at Yuta’s table, gratefully accepting the cup of coffee he offers him. They talk about their days, entertaining the boys as they patter in and out of the kitchen, searching for snacks or drinks as they play in the living room. Taeil falls into a silence eventually, gaze staring far off into the distance, through Yuta.

Yuta understands. Today was hectic, what with school being canceled early due to the snow storm and Taeil being stuck in his office. He would be doing the same if they didn’t need at least _one_ fully-functioning adult present at any given time. The only other time, Yuta realizes, that he’s seen this expression on Taeil’s face is after he told Yuta the story about how he came to adopt Mark and Donghyuck. It’s his _I’m emotionally drained_ face. Yuta understands.

The smallest, tiniest part of him wishes he didn’t - that Taeil never had to use that expression in front of him. Another, larger, part of him is grateful to Taeil for showing that side of him. For willing to be vulnerable. It’s something that Yuta both excels and struggles with, each facet of his life at a different level of shareability. His mother always reminds him that it’s okay to share things with people you hold dear.

Taeil is indeed someone that Yuta has come to hold dear, in one way or another. A fellow single father trying to find a work-life balance. An added bonus is his penchant for anything culinary - a skill that Yuta desperately tries to develop alongside Jaemin’s ever-evolving palate based on a taste for all things sweet. A unique pickiness that Taeil has come to master over a short amount of time.

The father of two has surely become someone both Yuta and his son hold dear.

“Papa?”

Before Yuta’s thoughts can trail off any further, Jaemin’s small voice from the doorway breaks his concentration.

“Hi, Jaem. Come here. What’s on your mind?”

“I go outside?”

“No, no. No outside. It’s too cold!”

“Cold?”

Yuta presses his nose to Jaemin’s cheek and shakes his head back and forth, eliciting giggles from the boy. “Too cold. You’ll get sick!”

“... Okay.”

“Later, okay?”

“Okay!”

When Yuta sets Jaemin back down, he watches him patter off back into the living room. Reaching for his coffee, he meets Taeil’s gaze, unreadable but focused. “Can I help you, Mr. Moon?”

“Nope. Just thinking.” Taeil groans after checking the time on his watch. “It’s going to start getting dark soon. I should take the kids home.”

“Is it safe to drive? You guys can always stay here.”

“I’ll poke my head out and check. If it’s not, I’ll definitely take you up on that offer.”

It’s safe enough to drive and Yuta’s left stuck in his thoughts, trying to figure out Taeil’s expression before he left. _I need to get better at reading people,_ Yuta thinks.

 

* * *

 

 

**multiplication is hard.**

 

“I’m having a crisis here, Johnny. _Help me_.”

Johnny looks up at Taeil, mustard spread across his face. Wiping it off with the back of his hand, he chews aggressively before following it up with a gulp of Sprite. Taeil thinks that sometimes his best friend is _kind of_ disgusting.

“What kind of crisis? You realized Yuta is hot. Hallelujah.”

“You’re absolutely _useless_.”

“Thanks. And yet you _still_ called to meet for lunch to ask for my advice.”

“Because you’re my best friend.”

“Yeah, which means you already _know_ I’m useless. I spent months staring at Sicheng from afar and _he_ was the one who had to ask _me_ out. Why would you come to me for advice?”

Taeil stares at Johnny, aghast. He realizes, not that he thinks about it, that he never heard the _full_ story of how they ended up together. Taeil just assumed that Johnny and Sicheng had discussed things from the way that Johnny spoke about it, but… He adores his best friend - he really, truly does. It’s just that, sometimes Johnny is…

“You’re absolutely baffling. I don’t even know how you got this far in life without Sicheng.”

“By God’s grace.”

“Sometimes I think Doyoung wants to strangle you, and I feel a hot flash of anger and the need to protect you. And then we have moments like this, where _I_ want to _personally_ strangle you before Doyoung can get to you.”

“Well, if I die, it better be by Sicheng’s or your hands.” Johnny grins and all Taeil can do in response is sigh. “Anyways, you’re better off asking Sicheng for advice on this front. I can see if he wants to join us.”

“Our lunch breaks are half over.”

“Eh, who cares. Let me shoot him a text. … There! Look, even an immediate, _I’ll be right there_! Excellent.”

Sicheng is, indeed, there immediately, pulling himself up a chair next to Johnny before saying, confidently, “So you think Yuta is hot.”

“Johnny! You told him?”

“No!”

Sicheng grins wolfishly, hands clasped together as he leans forward. “Johnny didn’t have to tell me _shit_ for me to know you think Yuta is hot. I saw this coming from a _mile away_. I just didn’t think it would take you this long.”

Taeil nearly spits out his drink as he stares at Sicheng, affronted. “Listen, I’m not _blind_. I’ve known he’s good looking since we met. I just didn’t… you know.”

“No, Taeil. What do I know?”

“Like, you know. He’s got a good personality, too, I guess.”

“You guess? You _guess_ ?!” shouts Sicheng, throwing his hands in the air. “What are we? In _high school_! Just say you think he’s hot and has a bitchin’ personality!”

“... God. Please don’t have kids anytime soon.”

“Okay, in Taeil’s defense, he hasn’t dated since college,” interjects Johnny, placing a hand on Sicheng’s shoulder.

“... Wait, seriously?”

“I didn’t have time. I started working straight out of college, and then I adopted Mark and Donghyuck. It’s been nonstop.”

“Who better to understand your struggles than a fellow single father?”

“... Right. So, both of you are useless in this case and I should just trust myself. Is that what I’m getting from this lunch?”

“God, please let me play cupid,” says Sicheng. “Please, for all that is good and holy -”

“Why should I let you?”

“ _Please_!”

“Johnny. Tell your fiancé I want at least one good reason why I should let him help me.”

Sicheng slams his hands on the table, leaning forward enough that Taeil feels the need to back away. “I can give you two! One, you’re sad and single -”

“Hey!”

“And _two_ , I’m Yuta’s best friend! Just trust me!” Sicheng grins, leaning back in his chair while crossing his arms. “I’ve got this.”

Taeil knows, for a fact, that Sicheng does not, “got this.” But, he resigns himself to whatever chaos may result. It’ll happen whether he wants it to or not. He only hopes Yuta doesn’t hate him afterwards.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Taeil thinks you’re hot.”

“What?”

“I _said_ , Taeil thinks you’re hot.”

“Oh.”

“And?”

“That’s… nice? What do you want me to do with this information?”

“Do _you_ think he’s hot?”

“Sure, he’s definitely handsome. Why?”

“I mean, you haven’t dated since Jaemin was born, and you two _do_ spend at least one day a week together.”

“... You’re… You’re trying to play cupid _again_.”

Yuta stares at Sicheng in disbelief. Shaking his head, he helps Jaemin pull on his shirt as they get ready to head to the park. He ignores all further attempts at conversation, instead choosing to focus on his son, who whines as Yuta pulls a warm hat over his head.

“C’mon, bud. Let’s go,” says Yuta, holding out his gloved hand. Jaemin’s small hand, concealed in a mitten, fits snugly in his as he locks the door behind them all.

“I’m just saying, Yuta. If you feel _anything_ remotely romantic about the guy _ever_ , it wouldn’t hurt to go on a date or two.” Sicheng shrugs off Yuta’s glare as he stops by his car. “Give it a thought. But, you know, not _too much_ of a thought. Don’t overthink it. I’m playing cupid, but don’t push yourself to feel something you don’t.”

Blinking, Yuta watches Sicheng drive off before Jaemin tugs him away from the empty parking spot. It’s not that Yuta _hasn’t_ thought about how handsome Taeil is in passing. And it’s not that he hasn’t noticed his own gaze lingering a bit too long on the father of two when he laughs or tells a bad joke. And he’s _definitely_ realized that Taeil has one of the most agreeable personalities of the people he knows. But Yuta hasn’t spared a thought for romance in years.

He knows that Taeil will get him. That Taeil will understand what Yuta’s going through - better than anyone else, really. _Yuta_ might be the one who doesn’t understand fully what Taeil is going through, raising two children.

Raising Jaemin is by no means easy, but Yuta recognizes that his son is well-behaved. Gentle and quiet. He’s the antithesis to Mark and Donghyuck’s chaos. It’s a touch of liveliness that Yuta both appreciates and fears. He doesn’t know how Taeil does it.

Yuta decides he’ll give it some thought when they get back from the park. And he does once Jaemin is tucked into bed - lets the flood gates open and everything he’s been suppressing fill his mind. It’s overwhelming at first and it’ll take time, he thinks, to sort through everything in his mind.

It’s interesting, finally getting the chance to examine his feelings towards Taeil. He’s already established that Taeil is someone that he would fight to keep in his life. It’s not a surprise to him, then, that maybe, without him realizing, those feelings had grown into something else. Yuta is mildly practice in all ways except for his own feelings, which he picks apart with tweezers and a scalpel, eyes constantly narrowed, looking for flaws or errors.

He wants to avoid mistakes that, perhaps, to an outsider, aren’t really an error. Yuta’s come to realize that the way he views things are wildly different from that of those he surrounds himself with. An error is sharing something before he’s ready. A mistake is not changing his words before he loses the chance to take them back.

Yuta wants to make sure he understands himself before he understands anything else. And so, by the light of the small lamp on his bedside table, he thinks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“When they started multiplication I realized how dependent I’ve become on a calculator for even the most basic arithmetic,” sighs Taeil, leaning on his hand. “Now they’re onto long division and nothing makes sense.

“Nothing Jungwoo brings home makes sense to me anymore,” sighs Doyoung. “Now, if he was in a photography class, sure. Geometry? What the hell is that?”

“ _Shapes_ , Doyoung. Shapes,” sighs Jaehyun.

“Kun is a college English professor if any of your kids need help in that!”

“Thank you for simply offering my services like that, Ten.”

“You would’ve if I didn’t.”

“Jungwoo can get his license next year, right, Jae?” asks Taeil.

“Actually, provided he finishes driving school on time, he can get it in February.” Jaehyun sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “It would be great if he did, since that means he’d be able to help drive Jeno around sooner than if he held off, but we also don’t want to force him if he’s not ready.”

Yuta can’t help but laugh at Doyoung’s disgruntled expression. “What’s up with you?”

“He’s just thinking of how expensive the auto-insurance is going to be.”

“I asked the company - the amount makes me want to bash my head against this table. It would be less expensive if he held off a little longer, but it also would be a huge help since the sooner he gets it, the sooner he can drive Jeno around.” Doyoung pinches the bridge of his nose, Jaehyun rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.

“I don’t even want to think about Mark or Donghyuck getting their license. That’s going to be a _nightmare_.” Sighing, Taeil leans back in his seat.

It’s become something of a routine for all of them to gather once a month for drinks, talk about what’s bothering them, and share any good news they may have. It’s therapeutic to a point, though rather than focusing on the specifics, they all really just take the time to try to release as much tension from their bodies as possible.

If anything, it’s nice to be with everyone, Taeil thinks to himself.

A moment of relative peace in a chaotic world.

 

* * *

 

 

**second grade’s in second place.**

 

Yuta takes a picture of Jaemin waiting at the bus stop before he leaves for work. Second grade is a big milestone, he tells himself. Plus, he’s already started the tradition of taking a photo of him on the first day of school - it’s too late to stop now. He waits until Jaemin is safe on the bus, waving goodbye, to go back inside and grab his things. It’s been a while since he’s actually worked in the office.

Settled onto his bus, he checks his phone, smiling as he sees a message from Taeil, wishing Jaemin a good first day of school. Yuta realizes he’ll have to show it to him when he gets home. It’s nice that he thought of Jaemin, though. He shoots back a text saying the same for Mark and Donghyuck who, he realizes, are starting fifth grade. Time really flies. Maybe a little too fast, he realizes.

Once at work, Taeyong’s face pops around the divider separating their desks when he sits down. The man is grinning brightly, hands gripping the edge of the flimsy material, nearly bringing it down as he pulls himself closer to Yuta.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“You haven’t worked in the office in _months_!”

“It’s hard when Jaemin’s on summer break, but too old for the daycare,” replies Yuta with a sigh. “But, it’s good to see you, too.”

“Right! How’s Jaemin? He should stop by the office!”

“He’s seven now. Can you believe that? Seven! Just started second grade.”

“Holy shit. Time really flies, huh? I remember when he was this tiny.” Taeying waves his hands around Yuta is hit with a strange sense of nostalgia before he smiles.

“Yeah. Time _does_ really fly.”

They settle into intermittent conversation as the day goes on until Yuta’s alarm goes off, telling him he needs to get home to get Jaemin off the bus. Taeyong peers up at him curiously as he packs up his things, fixing his bag on his shoulder.

“Headed out already?”

“Yeah. Gotta get back before Jaemin does.”

“Have you considered after school programs?”

“I have! I just want to look into them a little more. I figured if any, we can start them after the new year.” Yuta feels a bit of a migraine building as he thinks of the list of afterschool programs Taeil had sent him to parse through.

“You look like you have a headache.”

“I’m starting to get one.”

“Well, you should head home, then. I’m sure seeing Jaemin will bring up your mood, right? I’ll stop by one of these weekends!”

“Just be sure to give me heads up.”

“I always do!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

A knocking at the door breaks Taeil from his concentration as he points out an afterschool program to Yuta on the laptop screen. They stare at one another in silence, blinking, before Taeil speaks.

“Were you expecting a visitor?” he asks, sitting back.

Yuta checks his phone, scrolling through messages, before nodding no. “I don’t think so, no.”

“Well, Mark and Donghyuck are with Jeno and Jaemin at Jae’s, aren’t they?” asks Taeil, brow furrowing. There’s a knocking at the door again and he jabs Yuta in the side. “Check who it is!”

“Why me?”

“... Yuta, this is _your_ apartment!”

“What if it’s a murderer!”

“Yuta.”

“Come answer the door with me.”

“It’s not a murderer,” groans Taeil. “Want me to answer it?”

“I _never_ get a visitor without a heads up,” stage whispers Yuta as Taeil stands. “Who is it?”

“I’m still five feet from the door, Yuta. _Five feet_. Calm down.”

“Ask who it is!”

“Hi! May I ask who this is?” asks Taeil loudly. Some of the noise echoes back into the apartment where Yuta sits stock-straight on a chair. He has to lift himself slightly on his toes to look through the eye-hole, just to see the distorted image of a man with large, doe-like eyes.

“Uh… I’m Taeyong Lee! Is this Yuta Nakamoto’s apartment?”

“Yuta. Taeyong Lee?”

“Oh. My coworker. What’s he doing here?”

“Yup. You’re in the right place. Hang on. Let me open the door.”

Taeil fumbles a little opening Yuta’s door until he’s greeted by one Taeyong Lee. He moves to the side to let him in and he immediate feels his hand grabbed, tugged into a vigorously handshake. Taeyong is energy - not in a loud way, like Johnny, but in a way that fills the room in a pleasant enough way. He’s bright. Taeil likes him already.

“Hey, Taeyong. I thought you were going to give me a heads up?” says Yuta from the kitchen. Taeyong stumbles while toeing off his shoes, Taeil offering an arm to steady him.

“I meant to! But, I remembered while I was on my way here,” he calls as Taeil kicks the door shut. “Sorry! I didn’t know your boyfriend was over!”

“Boyfriend?” asks Taeil, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah! You’re his boyfriend, aren’t you? Taeil Moon. He talks about you a lot.”

“That’s nice of him. But, no. We aren’t dating.”

“... Well, you two _should_ be dating. Anyways!” Taeyong claps his hands together as he walks into the kitchen. “Sorry for not giving you a heads up! Is Jaemin here?”

“No, he’s at a friend’s house. That’s why I said to give me a heads up.”

“Aw, shit. I’ll come back, then!”

“You just stopped by to see my son?”

“I see you at work all the time! I haven’t seen Jaemin since the summer! And I missed his birthday because I had to go to that conference!”

“I actually need to go pick Jaemin, Mark, and Donghyuck up. If you stick around he’ll back in twenty? It depends on how bad traffic is.”

“Not bad at all!”

“Then probably around twenty.”

“You’re not going to stick around?”

“It’s a Sunday - Mark and Hyuck probably have homework to finish before tomorrow, so I should get them home.”

Yuta stares at him quietly, pursing his lips. “Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.”

“If you’re curious about any of those other programs just call me and we can talk a little more about it!”

“Sure, yeah. I’ll call later, then.”

“Alright. I’ll get Jaemin back safely!”

“Thanks, Taeil.”

“No problem!”

“It was nice to meet you, Taeyong. You should come to our monthly dinners.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Anyways, yeah. Should definitely get going,” says Taeil, toeing on his shoes. “Okay, see you!”

“Yeah! See you!”

When the door closes, Taeyong whirls around, slamming his hands on the table. “I thought you were going to ask him on a date!”

“I _did_!”

“Did you _tell_ him it was a date?”

“... No.”

“He’s a straightforward kinda guy, Yuta. You gotta be upfront with him. Ask him again and tell him it’s a _date_.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Having Taeil come over for coffee, by the way, isn’t a fucking _date_ ,” says Taeyong, pulling out a chair and plopping himself into it. “Taeil is a single father of two, you’re a single father of one. You two deserve a nice dinner date together. We’re not kids anymore, Yuta. You can be a little fancy, you can move at whatever speed you want. Except like, you can’t be slow about asking him on a date. You just need to do it.”

“I mean, yes, I figured out that I have some sort of romantic feelings for him last year -”

“ _Last year_.”

“- That said, neither of us are in a rush to push anything forward.”

“Okay, yeah, but Jaemin also keeps accidentally calling Taeil dad, so I think you should stop confusing the poor boy.” Taeyong leans his head on his hand and hums thoughtfully. “And doesn’t Donghyuck call you papa sometimes?”

“No, that’s Mark. Donghyuck calls me Yuta.”

“You let a ten-year-old kid call you _Yuta_?”

“I think it’s just a rebellious streak.”

“... You’re impossible. Just ask him on a date.”

“It’s not -”

“If you tell me it’s not that easy, I’m buying a handsaw and cutting the legs off of all your chairs.”

“Why would you do that? That’s what Sicheng would do.”

“Because it’s what you deserve.”

“Okay. _Okay_ , I’ll ask him on a date.”

“Good.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“This is fancy,” teases Taeil, sitting down at the table. “Is this a date?”

“Yeah. It is a date.” The way that the candle light glints in Taeil’s eyes makes Yuta’s smile grow bigger. “Definitely a date.”

“Oh. Well. I’m glad.” Taeil smiles as he sips from his glass of merlot. “Really glad.”

 

* * *

 

 

**are you ready kids? aye aye, captain!**

 

“Yuta and I are dating,” says Taeil, hands folded. Mark and Donghyuck stare at him, the latter vaguely amused as his chews on his broccoli. “I wanted to tell you both.”

“Finally,” mumbles Mark into his grilled chicken. “I was wondering when it was gonna happen.”

“Congrats!” says Donghyuck. “When’s the wedding.”

“... Sometimes I forget how mature you two are for your age.”

“Not mature. You just treat us like adults, so we act like adults.”

“You may be _children_ , but you’re not stupid. Of course I’m doing to treat you as intelligent humans,” says Taeil, furrowing his brow.

“Yeah, but, like, dad, you’re like. You talk to us like what we say _matters_. Sometimes I see the way that Mr. Kim talks to Jeno and it’s kind of like he thinks Jeno doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” says Mark, wrinkling his nose.

“Ah. I see.”

“But, back to you!” says Donghyuck excitedly. “Does this mean we get to hang out with Jaemin and Yuta more!”

“Mr. Nakamoto, you mean.”

“He said Yuta is fine!”

“No he didn’t,” interjects Mark. “You just called him it until he stopped trying to correct you.”

“... Donghyuck.”

“You’re happy, though. So we’re happy. And we really like Mr. Nakamoto. He took us to the park all the time when we were little.”

“He did! He was always fun. He threw me into snow banks like Johnny used to! Said he wasn’t afraid of you.”

“Oh? He’s not, now is he?”

Taeil raises an eyebrow and Donghyuck audibly swallows, realizing he wasn’t supposed to tell his father about Yuta throwing him into snow banks during the winter when they would walk to the park.

“We’ll see about that, then.”

“ _Please_ don’t tell him I told you!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taeil turns off the car, parked in front of Yuta’s apartment building. He turns his body towards Yuta, who grins at him. Reaching out for Yuta’s hand, he plays with his boyfriend’s long fingers, watching the rings he’s wearing glint in the sunlight. It’s quiet other than the humming from the streetlamps. Taeil like moments like these. They feel otherworldly in that clichéd way romance authors write about. Taeil likes being cliché, feeling cliché. There’s nothing wrong with it. It makes him giddy, if he’s being honest.

“Donghyuck told me something interesting over dinner the other night, you know.”

“Oh? What did he tell you?”

“You know…” Taeil pauses for dramatic effect, looking up at Yuta and enjoying the way his smile turns into a vague sense of terror. “How you used to toss him into snow banks during the winter.”

“Okay, in my defense, he _asked_ me to _and_ he told me that Johnny did it, too.”

“I don’t actually mind, though I thought it was pretty funny that Donghyuck said you did it because you’re, oh, what did he say? _Not afraid of me_?”

“I retract that statement and I’ll be issuing a formal apology in four business days regarding it.”

“Four business days is an awfully long time, Yuta.” In reply, Yuta hums, bringing his free hand up to press his palm to Taeil’s jaw, running his thumb across his bottom lip - a featherlight touch. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“Because you haven’t asked.”

“I have to ask?”

“I don’t want to overstep any boundaries.”

“I want you to kiss me. I don’t know how to make it any more obvious.”

Yuta unbuckles himself and leans forward, gently tugging his hand away from Taeil’s so he can hold his face in his hands. “Your wish is my command.”

“Oh, just shut up and kiss me.”

With every atom of his meager being, Yuta wants to make Taeil feel loved - to feel like a prince. To feel like, for a moment, that he’s not alone. Even if Yuta is just one shape out of the million pieces of the puzzle that is Taeil’s life, he wants to make it count. It’s why the first kiss is brief, a smile against Taeil’s lips, eyes closed, air still. Yuta laughs when Taeil pouts pulling him closer by the collar of his shirt.

“I said _kiss me_.”

“Needy.”

“I _need_ you to kiss me.”

“Okay, okay.” Yuta laughs and when he pulls back, he smooshes Taeil’s cheeks with the palms of his hands. “I’ll kiss you for real this time, okay?”

“You better, or I’m kicking you out of my car.”

“Well, I don’t want that, now do I?”

“Yuta.”

Taeil loves clichés and loving Yuta is every cliché in the book - minus the fireworks when they kiss. Instead it feels familiar and safe. The kind of kiss that Taeil would want when he wakes up in the morning, starting a fresh pot of coffee. The kind of kiss you get from someone who’s known you for a lifetime. Yuta is like summer days by the pool, watermelon juice, and cloudless skies. He is Taeil’s sun in the most cliché of ways.

Loosening his grip, Taeil brings a hand up to place it over Yuta’s, gently pulling it from his face. Taeil loves holding his hand - loves the connection of their palms together because, if they’re still enough, if the world falls silent around them, Taeil swears that their pulses match with one another. Yuta smiles - he’s always smiling - against Taeil’s lips, hums instead of laughing, a sound that Taeil has learned to love when it’s there, miss when it’s gone.

“Is it too early to say I love you?” asks Yuta when he pulls back.

Taeil laughs into the silence of the car, pulls Yuta closer for another kiss.

“No. It’s never too early to say I love you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taeyong fills the space that they all didn’t know was still empty. His energy is warm and inviting, weaving seamlessly between them all. Yuta was right - he matches Sicheng well, the two a match of chaotic, well-meaning energy that feels a bit overwhelming but in a good way.

They feel complete for the first time in forever. If anyone notices the way that Taeil grabs for Yuta’s hand under the table during dinner, they don’t say anything, something Yuta is grateful for. It’s not a secret - there are no secret kisses behind closed doors or denials. It’s just a sense of privacy that they crave.

“We’ve decided the wedding date,” says Johnny, pausing to wipe his mouth. “July. You’ll all get save-the-dates in the mail _and_ by email soon. Just wanted to cover all bases.”

“Oh! That’s so exciting! Staying local?” asks Kun.

“Yeah. You know that barn venue?”

“... A _barn wedding_?” asks Ten, pursing his lips.

“If you have something to say about the venue, say it to my face,” deadpans Sicheng.

“I think they’re tacky as _fuck_ , but I like you guys, so I guess it’ll be good.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“I think it’s going to be lovely,” says Taeil with a smile. “I’m really looking forward to it.”

“Me, too.”

“You guys are gonna get married in the area, right?” asks Sicheng, leaning on the table as he peers at Yuta and Taeil with narrowed eyes.

“Well, we’ll figure that out when we need to,” says Yuta with a shrug.

“We have time to decide.”

“ _Please_ don’t do a barn venue.” Ten shudders and pretends to gag until Kun jabs him in the side. “ _Kidding_.”

 

* * *

 

 

**mansae!**

 

Taeil stands in front of the door, arms crossed as he stares Mark down. His son doesn’t budge, expression desperately confused as Donghyuck groans, head banging against the wall. It would be a comedic sight to him if they _weren’t_ on a time crunch, desperate to make it to their destination on time. Taeil loves his son to a stupid extent, but can’t help but feel worried about his airheadedness sometimes. This is indeed one of those times.

“Mark.”

Pausing, Mark looks at his dad, fingers fiddling anxiously with his shirt. “What?”

“Mark.”

“Dad, I’m confused.”

“ _Mark_.”

“What!”

“Your shirt, you _doofus_ ,” stage-whispers Donghyuck.

“Oh… oh! Shi - shiitake mushrooms. Sorry, dad.”

He waits until Mark’s shirt is tucked in to open the door and let his kids walk to the car. Taeil triple checks to make sure that he has everything, checkbook tucked safely into the inside pocket of his jacket. It’s still rather early, the full heat of the day not yet saturating the air.

The drive to Yuta’s apartment is mindless, the radio drowned out by Mark and Donghyuck’s excited chatter. It’s natural, the way that Yuta and Jaemin join them in the car. They’ve done it hundreds of times - road trips to museums and movies and plays and sporting events. Mark, Donghyuck, and Jaemin trade off choosing the music, resulting in a weird mixture of genres that would be jarring if Taeil wasn’t used to this by now.

They’re halfway to the venue, car full of noise, when Mark’s voice cuts over everyone else’s.

“When are _you guys_ getting married?” He leans forward in his seat, chin digging into the shoulder of Yuta’s seat. The car falls dead silent and he plows forward, ignoring the suddenly stuffy atmosphere. “Can you guys do a winter wedding? The summer is nice and all, but wearing a suit in the summer _sucks_.”

“Winter would be _perfect_! Then you could take really cool photos out in the snow!” chimes in Donghyuck, leaning forward, voice ringing in Taeil’s ears.

“Oh, who would you hire to take photos? Mr. Kim or Mr. Suh?”

“They’re _already_ married,” interjects Jaemin, pouting. “Papa and dad have been married for _years_ now.”

“... No they haven’t?” Donghyuck’s tone is confused and reflects the confusion that all other inhabitants of the car are feeling at Jaemin’s sudden declaration.

“Yeah, they have.”

“Jaemin, who told you that?” asks Taeil gently.

“Jungwoo.”

“That brat,” mutters Yuta under his breath.

“Not in front of the kids,” hisses out Taeil, frowning. Exhaling slowly, Taeil thinks of how to deal with the current situation, Yuta sitting there stock still, largely useless. “Jaemin, we’re not married.”

“What! But I call you dad!”

Taeil can’t help the laugh that bubbles up from the bottom of his stomach. It’s a good-natured laugh - one that holds no ill-intent. Yuta startles at first, but laughs alongside Taeil eventually, the weird vibe in the air evaporating almost instantly. The rest of the drive is comfortable, the energy ramping up as Taeil parks in front of the venue.

“I guess we’re married, then,” says Taeil with a jeering jab.

“I haven’t even gotten to propose yet!”

“Well, when you do, make sure it isn’t too much. I don’t think my old heart can handle it.”

“You’re _thirty four_! You’re not old.”

“Yeah, dad. You’re _ancient_ ,” says Donghyuck, cackling as he runs off.

“Am I really that old?” asks Taeil, turning to Mark.

“You’re our dad. You’re _supposed_ to be old.” Mark grins up at Taeil and he’s reminded of the day he brought them home. It feels like eons ago.

“I guess you’re right. I _am_ supposed to be old.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yuta is writing the check by the table when Taeil walks up from behind him, wrapping his arms around Yuta’s middle and smiling.

“I thought _I_ was writing the check from us.”

“You were held up talking to Sicheng’s mom. I wasn’t gonna interrupt to ask you to write the check,” replies Yuta, slipping it into the box. “You can sign the guestbook from us, though.” He raises his arm, swiveling to throw his it around Taeil’s shoulders. Pressing a chaste kiss to his boyfriend’s temple, he laughs when he hears Jaemin behind them pretend to gag. “Can’t you go bother Yangyang?”

“I _can_ ,” says Jaemin, wriggling his way into Taeil’s grasp, “ _or_ I can bother you guys.”

“Go hang out with Yangtang.” Taeil reaches up and pinches his cheek affectionately, earning him a giggle. “You can bother us the entire car ride home.”

“ _Fine_.” Jaemin squeezes Taeil in a hug before running off, shouting Yangyang’s name.

“He’s turned into quite the rascal, hasn’t he?” asks Yuta. Taeil reaches for the pen to write in the guest book, opting to nod in reply. “I think it’s because of his brothers, you know.”

“Mark and Donghyuck aren’t _that_ bad of influences. You give them _way_ too much credit.”

As Yuta watches Taeil write some long-winded essay, wishing Johnny and Sicheng all the luck in the world and a happy marriage, he wonders what it’ll feel like to be on the other side. Lets his mind wander to the ring hidden in his sock drawer, shoved to the very back where Taeil won’t find it when he rummages through Yuta’s drawers for an extra pair of socks because he puts the AC on too high in the warm months and the heat too low when it’s cold.

He wonders if their wedding will be big and flashy like Yuta wants it, or small and intimate. Yuta knows it’ll be the latter - or somewhere in-between. Mark requested a winter wedding and Yuta knows how weak Taeil is for his kids and, honestly, a winter wedding doesn’t sound horrible to him, either. Yuta hopes that it’ll go smoothly, though recognizes that nothing ever goes without a hitch.

Yuta wonders about a lot. He knows that there’s still some time before these are things that he has to worry about, but he thinks about them anyways, because their wedding will be another puzzle piece in Taeil’s life and he wants it to shine brightly. There’s time to think and wonder and hope and execute, but Yuta can’t help but wish the future would come faster.

“You’re thinking _really_ loudly,” teases Taeil as he finishes writing. “Like, you know you mouth-breathe when you’re deep in thought, right?”

“I can’t _help it_.”

“It’s _loud_ \- I think you’re snoring when you’re awake!”

“Hey!”

“I think it’s kinda cute, in some weird way, though.” Taeil rises onto the balls of his feet, pressing a kiss to Yuta’s cheek. “Kinda cute.”

“ _Kinda_?”

“It’s still loud.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whistling, Yuta flips the pancakes and checks the eggs. The homey smell of breakfast seeps through the house as he cooks, Taeil still fast asleep in bed. He doesn’t have the heart to wake him, the father of two having hardly slept the previous night. Their sons are off at a sleepaway camp and the thought of not having them close sent Taeil’s nerves into disarray to the point where he couldn’t sleep, staying awake until the exhaustion finally took control.

Yuta understands - Jaemin being so far away makes his skin crawl, every possible thing gone wrong playing on repeat in his mind. Nothing really _stops_ his mind from worrying, but he definitely keeps the concern at bay better than Taeil who lets it consume him. It’s a Saturday and Yuta has never been more grateful for the weekend. He hopes that a nice breakfast in bed and proposal over pancakes will take Taeil’s mind off things. He tries to think of the proposal flippantly, squash his nerves before they can overtake his actions.

The box sits pretty on the platter, hidden behind the glass of juice, as Yuta carries it up the stairs. He knows Taeil well at this point - knows that the man likes a glass of water _and_ juice with breakfast, knows that he saves the juice for last. The sound of him struggling to open the door wakes up Taeil, who sits up in bed by the time Yuta is through the door.

Taeil’s hair is everywhere, and he doesn’t even try to smooth it down, instead making a grabbing motion towards the platter, earning him a laugh and a kiss good morning from Yuta.

“Morning, baby.”

“M’rning,” grumbles Taeil, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Nothing much. Just pancakes and eggs.”

“Perfect.”

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Not really.” Taeil’s moves are sluggish and Yuta gently pushes his hands away, cutting the pancakes for him as he sips on his water. When Yuta is finished, Taeil is quick to take back to fork, feeding him the first piece. “Delicious as always. Mark is gonna be devastated he missed your pancakes.”

“I’ll make them for the kids when they get back.”

Breakfast is quiet, conversation interspersed rarely through the time they spend sitting in bed. Taeil is a slow eater, something that Yuta has come to appreciate over time. He’s the first to admit that, initially, it bothered him, much to Taeil’s amusement. Yuta’s come to appreciate everything about Taeil - even the things that they’re at odds about.

“Oh? What’s this?”

Yuta turns towards Taeil, watching as he picks up his juice. Placing the glass back down, he reaches around it for the box, opening it. Reading the embroidery on the inside cover of the top, he smiles.

“Well? Are you going to say it out loud?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Of course.”

“Then, I will.” Clearing his throat, Yuta places a hand over his heart - one that Taeil reaches out to hold. “Taeil Moon, will you marry me?”

“Yes. Of course I’ll marry you. I couldn’t imagine life without you.”

Yuta feels a piece of the puzzle settle into place as he laughs, pressing their foreheads together. “You make me happy. You make me feel a million and three things, but the only one I can put into words is happy. That’s kind of shitty, isn’t it?”

“It’s not. It’s not shitty at all. It’s kind of poetic, probably.”

“Should we ask Kun? He’s the English professor.”

Taeil laughs - bright and reminiscent of the color yellow, the sunlight that peeks through the blinds. “I guess we could.”

 

* * *

 

 

**let it go.**

 

Taeil doesn’t want to say it. Can’t say it. Doesn’t want it to be brought up. He can see the words on the tip of Yuta’s tongue, begging to be said. He sends his fiancé a stern stare, not enjoying the shit-eating grin he’s given in return. They already _had_ this discussion. He had _told_ Yuta how he felt and yet he could already hear the bullshit that is about to come out of his mouth.

“What about playing ‘Let It Go’ when we walk down the aisle?”

“I can’t believe you.”

Yuta snickers into his hand as Taeil sighs, holding his head in his hands. He understands the joke - Donghyuck had brought it up over dinner the other day, and Yuta and Jaemin had gotten a kick out of it, running around the house while singing the Disney soundtrack. Mark had at least offered a sympathetic grin before joining in.

“I’m kidding! I’m _kidding_ , Taeil. Relax.” Yuta reaches out to hold Taeil’s hand, which he squeezes reassuringly.

“Honestly, I was going to tell you to find someone else to help you if you were serious,” deadpans Ten with a frown. “I love you guys, and this is my job, but that’s also a stupid fucking idea and I wouldn’t stand for it.”

“Sometimes I wonder how you and Kun get along, and then I remember that Kun is equally as honest and it makes perfect sense,” Yuta says, blinking rapidly.

“I mean, if anything, you aren’t worse than Johnny. That shithead wanted to release balloons at their wedding. Balloons! Do you know how environmentally irresponsible that is! They don’t just fucking _float into space_ ! They burst and then fall back to earth and choke _sea turtles_ . Do you want to be a fucking _sea turtle murderer_?”

“... We want no balloons,” says Yuta firmly.

“Good.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I can’t believe you,” deadpans Sicheng, placing his beer back on the table with more force than necessary. “You’re getting married across the country? Are you kidding me?”

“We’re giving you more than a year in advance to plan things out,” says Yuta sheepishly.

“Dejun and Renjun will be two by then. It’ll be okay,” placates Johnny gently. “He’s kidding, by the way. We’re both really excited for the wedding. We’ve already looked into hotels and flights.”

“It’s about _time_ you two get married! I love playing cupid.”

“You did nothing,” deadpans Kun.

“I told Yuta that Taeil thought he was hot!”

“You what!” shouts Taeil.

“Hey, it’s thanks to me that Yuta asked you out!”

“It definitely is not. It’s thanks to Taeyong,” interjects Yuta, furrowing his brow. “Taeyong told me to be straightforward about wanting my dinners with Taeil to be dates.”

“Thank God for Taeyong,” mutters Taeil. “But, ignoring this whole mess, how are Dejun and Renjun, by the way? Adapting well?”

“Yeah. Dejun’s a bit of a rambunctious kid who keeps trying to escape his bed, but I don’t mind it. Renjun is rambunctious in a… different way. I always knew our kids would be free-spirited.” Johnny grins, pulling Sicheng closer. “How couldn’t they be with parents like this?”

“You mean idiots?” deadpans Ten.

“Kind-hearted idiots,” corrects Kun.

“They’re not… whole idiots.” Doyoung clears his throat awkward. “They’re… they make one-whole not-idiot when they’re together. Their idiotic qualities cancel one another out.”

“I can’t tell if that was a compliment or not, but thanks, Doyoung,” replies Johnny.

“It was about as good as a compliment as we’ll get tonight, Johnny. We’ll take it.”

“I think you two are doing a wonderful job.” Taeil smiles softly as he speaks. “It’s not easy - we can all attest to that. And, you know, every kid’s different. What worked for our kids might not work for Dejun and Renjun. So, I think you’re doing a great job. All the advice in the world can’t prepare you for everything. Just… enjoy these years. They go by really fast.”

“Thanks, Taeil,” murmurs Sicheng with a smile. “You always know the right thing to say, huh?”

“They’re all saying the same thing. They just don’t really know how to put it into words well enough for you to understand. Just know that we’re all here for you when you need us.”

“It takes a village!” says Jaehyun with a wide grin. “And all of us - we’re your village.”

“Well, we have a pretty fucking cool village, then.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“How was basketball practice, bud?” asks Taeil as Mark comes home. He immediately disappears into the wash room to dispose of his practice clothes before joining his father and Donghyuck in the kitchen.

“It was _so cool_. I got pulled up to practice with varsity!” he says as he pours himself a glass of water.

“Already? Holy sh - _crap_. Holy crap.” Donghyuck withers under Taeil’s stare as he almost slips up.

“What about you, Hyuck? How was the pre-season meeting for baseball?”

“It was okay. Try-outs are in March. Kind of nervous, to be honest.” Donghyuck pokes at his carrots nervously before slumping in his seat. “There are _so many_ people trying out for the baseball team. I’ll just be lucky to make the freshman squad. They say if this many people try out that there’ll even be cuts for freshman.”

“Hey. You’ll be fine. I can have someone get me to work if you want the car to hit up the batting cages after school,” says Taeil, reaching over to ruffle Donghyuck’s hair affectionately. “I know how much making the team means to you.”

“I can just join the track team if I don’t make it - Hendery is on the track team and he said it’s really fun. There are a ton of events I can do. Plus, I still have soccer in the fall, so I could do track as a way to stay in shape.”

“You _did_ play for varsity a few times as a freshman, Hyuck, which is really cool. Whatever happens will happen.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Donghyuck pushes himself up to sit straighter, spearing a few carrots before sticking them in his mouth. “You know… we never really asked. What did you do in high school, dad? We know Yuta played soccer.”

“I did cross country,” replies Taeil with a smile. “I did cross country in university, too, by the way. I was one of the top runners.”

“No way!” says Mark, leaning forward. “No wonder you were so hard on me about getting in shape over the summer.”

“I mean, that training helped me with soccer, too. I could run for hours. I think it helped me get picked to play for varsity.”

“When you two were little, I used to run on the treadmill in the basement when you were asleep,” Taeil explains with a laugh.

“Aren’t treadmills bad for you?” asks Mark, frowning.

“Running in general, I guess, is bad for your body. But, it helped keep me sane.”

“You’re really cool, dad,” says Donghyuck with a grin. “I don’t think people give you enough credit. Especially Mrs. Kim. Her cupcakes were _terrible_ and she had the audacity to say that the presentation of your cookies could use some work! At least they _taste_ amazing!”

“I’m pretty sure she buys baked goods from the grocery store and tries to pass them off as homemade,” grumbles Mark. “Lucas says he saw her eyeing cupcakes that looked _much_ too similar before the bake sale.”

“How is Lucas, Mark? You should invite him over for dinner sometime!”

“He’s okay. His grandma lives with them, so he isn’t by himself. I told him I could drive him to the hospital to see his mom this weekend, if that’s okay.”

“Of course! That’s kind of you, Mark. I’ll make cookies for you two to snack on during the drive. I know it’s a bit of a way to the hospital.”

“Thanks, dad. You’re the best.”

“No, no. I’m just trying my best.”

“No. You _are_ the best,” Donghyuck says firmly.

Taeil feels his heart swell as the conversation settles down and they eat in silence. He hopes the next few years don’t pass too fast. It feels like all he’s done is blink, Mark and Donghyuck growing from toddlers to young adults. It’s a bit scary and yet fulfilling. He hopes that they continue to grow and don’t feel constrained by the world around them.

There are endless possibilities awaiting all of them.

 

* * *

 

 

**to infinity and beyond.**

 

Time passes quickly, Yuta decides, when you’re not paying attention. The Jaemin that sits before him is still a young boy, though one who looks at his father with the beginnings of understanding, the never-ending wonder fading from his eyes. Dinner is quiet for the first time in years, Jaemin pushing his food around his plate. It feels unnatural - never has Yuta felt so closed off from his son.

He supposes that there’s a first for everything.

“Jaemin, is everything okay?”

“Huh? Yeah,” he says, blinking slowly. Jaemin looks up from his dinner to his dad, who stares back, gaze gentle.

“What’s bothering you so much, champ?”

Jaemin continues to push the food around on his plate, mouth moving, forming unspoken words. Every terrible thing that could happen works through Yuta’s mind in an instant. Is Jaemin being bullied? Is he upset? Does he have a secret significant other? Did he fail a test? Yuta wants to vomit as the thoughts speed through his mind, so he tries to slow them down, focused on Jaemin who sighs as he drops his fork down beside his plate.

“I don’t want to play soccer anymore.”

“Huh?”

“I know how much soccer means to you, but I honestly hate it. I hate the people and I hate the sport. I just want to focus on lacrosse.”

“Oh.” Yuta startles as he sits straighter. “Were you worried about telling me?”

“Well, yeah! I know how much me playing soccer means to you. You always go off about how great Donghyuck is at it, and how cool it would be if we play together in high school. I don’t want to disappoint you, but I really hate it.”

“Jaemin. Champ. You could’ve told me you wanted to stop whenever, and I would’ve supported you one hundred percent. I don’t care about you playing soccer - hell, you could quit sports all together, and I wouldn't have cared!” Yuta shifts his chair so he’s sitting closer to Jaemin, hand on his shoulder. “All that matters to me is your happiness. If you’re unhappy, you don’t have to play anymore.”

“I’ll finish the season - I’d feel pretty bad if I just quit in the middle, I think, but I really just want to focus on lacrosse.”

“Well then, we should get you a new stick for the spring then, right? Let’s go to the sporting goods store this weekend.”

“Dad. Don’t you and Taeil get your wedding license this Thursday? I thought you two were going out of town for the weekend to celebrate? We’re staying with Yangyang’s family.”

“Oh. Right. Next weekend, then. My bad.”

“I’m not telling Taeil that you almost forgot, but I _am_ telling him you said hell in front of me.”

“My own son, betraying me!” Yuta clutches at his chest, feigning a broken heart.

“It’s what you get.”

Jaemin laughs and Yuta’s heart relaxes for just the briefest of moments. “I guess it is.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s funny how Taeil and Yuta both immediately break out into tears. As they see each other for the first time, as the officiant begins their speech, as they get to their vows. _Especially_ the vows. The attendees can barely understand what’s being said as they stumble through their vows. In fact, they can barely understand one another, laughing over their messes as they lay beside one another in their hotel bed.

“Johnny sent me the raw footage of our vows. It’s brutal,” mutters Yuta, looking at Taeil who suppresses a laugh. “But, I want you to know what I was trying to say. Let me go get my vows.”

“Oh. Okay, it’s on. If _I’m_ going to cry, then _you’re_ going to cry, too. Let me grab mine.”

Yuta sits up on the bed across from Taeil, vows in his hand. He takes a deep breath, ready to try to read through them again. Before he can, Taeil snags his papers, exchanging them. He has half a brain to pretend to look affronted before confusion takes over, the tilt of his head only mildly endearing in the midst of their exhaustion.

“You and I both know that neither of us are going to be able to read these out loud.”

They read in a silence broken by small bouts of laughter and tears. Part of it is therapeutic - the days leading up to the wedding were terse. It’s a moment to forget and let go. Yuta realizes that they _needed_ this, desperately. A moment amidst all the craziness to remember exactly _how_ they got to this point. From the single father’s club to their first date, to the proposal.

It’s a small moment to reflect - a reminder that they’ve made it this far, that they’ll continue to reach even further, together, starting today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Well, I guess one of the boys can give up their room when we have guests visiting,” says Taeil as he places a box down. The impending summer heat is already oppressive as they move Yuta and Jaemin into the house during the early hours of a summer morning. Yuta hums in reply as he places a few boxes down beside him.

“Dad!”

“Yuta!”

“Where do we put the bikes! We didn’t finish setting up the other racks in the garage!”

Taeil shuffles to the top of the stairs to shout down to them. “Just put them to the side! We can reorganize the garage this weekend!”

“We are here to help!” shouts a new voice up the stairs. “I’m assuming boxes labeled kitchen go in the kitchen?”

“Oh! Jaehyun! Jungwoo! Jeno!”

“Hey, Mr. Moon. Dad’s on an assignment, so the old man and us are here to help!” says Jungwoo with a grin and a thumbs up.

“I’m not old!” shouts Jaehyun from the kitchen.

“You’re so old!”

“He’s only kind of old,” says Jeno with a giggle.

Eventually everyone shows up and it becomes something akin to an embarrassing housewarming party, everyone filing into the backyard to avoid the boxes littering the house. Taeil’s heart feels full. It feels fuller than it did the day of his wedding. The family that he’s made here, in this house, is large. It’s a bit crazy at times, he thinks, watching Johnny and Ten throw water balloons at one another, but it’s comforting.

These are the people he has spent years with - the people that he hopes to spend even more alongside. He knows that, at some point, they’ll all end up in different places, some closer than others. He knows that the kids are growing, and they’ll continue to grow until they make families of their own.

It’s a reality that feels far off, but Taeil realizes is much closer than it seems. Time passes quicker and quicker every year and part of him feels like it’s slipping through his fingers - that if he blinks, he’s at risk of missing everything. Taeil knows that’s not true. He knows that he hasn’t missed anything - that there are still more things to come.

He thinks about how he and Yuta have fought over too many things for Taeil to just acquiesce to the flow of time. Every fight, small and large, builds up over time until they threaten to burst and they sit at the kitchen table at midnight, trying to navigate the maze that they’ve managed to build themselves. Sometimes it takes a long time to leave them; the layout of the mazes changing every time, some more complicated than others.

It has not been easy to get to this point. But, Taeil chooses to focus on the happy moments that find their way in-between, and he knows that Yuta does, as well. They are growing old, will continue growing old until they have nowhere else to grow.

Taeil looks forward to spending that time with Yuta and the family he’s managed to create over the years.

Yuta had told him, laying in bed one night, that their lives are like puzzles. He had tried his hardest to explain it, and Taeil thinks he understands it, now. Or, sort of, at least.

The puzzle is fluid, the pieces ever-changing. Each person, each life event, is a different piece. Some are brighter than others, and some are dull and worn-out, the shine of the life-event or person dulled over time. Some pieces, like Yuta, like his sons, change in size and intensity the longer time goes on. They won’t stop changing until they do - the thing that Yuta struggled the hardest to explain.

“I’m a piece of your puzzle,” he had said, finger tracing shapes on Taeil’s back as he held him close. “I’m a piece of your puzzle that I know belongs - you know belongs, but you don’t know where to put yet. But, I’m here. And I’m a part of it. And that’s all that matters.”

Taeil thinks his puzzle is ever-changing, that it’ll never be complete. That it’ll become Mark and Donghyuck and Jaemin’s puzzle when he’s gone. That they’ll inherit his and Yuta’s and have to sort through the pieces. And it’s a heavy task, not one that he looks forward to leaving them.

But, that’s for the future.

For now, Taeil smiles and takes Yuta’s hand when he reaches out for it.

All that matters is that Yuta, a piece of his puzzle, is here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Congratulations, champ.” Yuta pulls Jaemin into a hug. His son holds him tightly in return. He’s taller, now, than Yuta, able to look his father in the eyes. “You’re going to do great. Study hard, right?”

Jaemin pulls away with a bright grin and vigorous nod. “Of course. I worked my ass off to get here!”

“... I’ll give you a pass for today,” says Taeil jokingly, pulling Jaemin in for a hug. “Take care of yourself, though. Grades aren’t everything. Let us know if you need anything. We’re just a phone call away, okay? And Mark is in the city over, so if there’s an emergency, you have him close by.”

“I know, I know. Don’t worry, dad.”

“I can’t believe you’re in _college_ ,” says Yuta, amazed. “I knew this day was coming, but it feels surreal.”

“Don’t get too lonely at home without me! Oh! And don’t turn my room into some weird place to store collectables or something. I’m still coming home for breaks and stuff.”

“We wouldn’t dream of it.”

Yuta purses his lips before he pulls Jaemin in for one last hug.

Yuta thinks of the infant he held in his arms nineteen years ago. If he were to go back, Yuta wouldn’t change his decision for the world. He was given the opportunity to see his son grow into a man - to see all three sons grow into men. It’s bittersweet and overwhelming when they finally say goodbye to Jaemin, followed by promises to see him again in November.

“Don’t miss him too much,” teases Taeil when they get into the car.

“I think I’ll always miss him - them. All three. It’s a different time now, isn’t it?”

“It’s different, but we’re still here, right?”

“We are.”

Their lives are puzzles - one puzzle now, really. The pieces are always changing in shape, size, number, and brilliance. Yuta and Taeil, somewhere along the way, have found four pieces each that change all the time. They don’t yet have a set position, but they belong, sliding in and out of place as life goes on.

It’s a confusing metaphor, and Taeil still doesn’t fully understand it.

He does understand, however, that Yuta belongs in his life, puzzle metaphor be damned.

**Author's Note:**

> much love to the [loveliest friend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostSoulSister/profile) for reading this over for me because my brain turned to mush after writing 7k in one sitting.  
> find me here:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/nsofties)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/nsofties)


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